I used to have a Cat that scratched all the mastic out of my windows! It was a Putty Cat!
I went to the doctor and said ‘doctor, I feel like a couple of wig wam’s!’ He said ‘you’re two tents!’ [too tense]
I went to the doctor and I said ‘doctor, I feel like a snooker ball!’ He said ‘Get to the end of the cue!’
I said to my friend, ‘I found Lillies in the garden the other day!’ He said ‘did you put them in the Green bin?’ I said ‘no!’ she was still wearing them!’
My friend said the other day, who’s got the Big issues? I said Sasquatch the big foot!
Who’s the biggest woman in the Bible? The woman of Samaria! [some area]
Who’s the smallest person in the Bible? Bildad the Shuhite [shoe height!]